By Myself

I am never alone these days. Its inevitable when you have small children is it not? O sleeps with us, eats with us, bathes with us and spends all of the time in-between with us (Daddy works outside the home, so I mean me for the most part). I read something a while back on this subject and I couldn't make up my mind about it. The author was saying that it amazed her that people who were so desperate for children often end up using great amounts of resources to get them out of the way. 'Me time, Mummy time, quality alone time', call it what you like, its purpose is to separate yourself from your children. Is that wrong?
I know all the phrases bandied about, a happy mummy is a happy baby, bla bla bla. The truth is though, little O will be 3 in 3 months and apart from the odd trip out with Duncan, we are never apart. Or should I say, were, never apart. Three weeks ago I started life drawing classes, one evening a week for 2 hours. It should have been 4 weeks ago, but I got myself into quite a tizzy and didn't go that first week. I had had one of those days with little O, he cried all day and needed constant consoling, I needed to clean up the house and couldn't seem to get to it, and I didn't get out of my nightgown and into the shower until 3pm. Technically I could still have gone, but the fear was probably the bigger issue, not the grumpy toddler and the burnt dinner.
The next week I employed a 'don't think about it too much' attitude and just picked up my art supplies at 6.15pm and skimmed out the door. And I loved it.

I loved walking to the bus stop alone under the twinkling stars. I loved having a sketchbook and some charcoal in my bag instead of a change of toddler pants and a spare dummy. I loved the silence in the classroom, and the smell of paper and chalks. I loved being able to empty my mind of all thoughts except the task at hand. I also loved to come home and find little O had been fine without me.
Don't get me wrong though, it was still scary, and even the next week and next it was scary, and I presume it will go on being slightly scary. But the fear is of equal balance to the joy of being all by myself (even if it is only for 2 hours a week).

A bit rough I know, but I am more proud of myself for going than for anything else.

May love and laughter light your days,
and warm your heart and home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
May peace and plenty bless your world
with joy that long endures.
May all life's passing seasons
bring the best to you and yours

Val